Mary Jane's Shoes

Mary Jane's Shoes

Musings of one person among many. Not exceptional in any way, as with all, I have exceptional experiences and varied reactions to those events. Mine is one of many life stories and how I manage and cope with the events which make my life my own, I attempt to put forth by way of my writings.

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Laughter and Lace

June 23, 2014


How do you move when your heart is close to still?
How do you bring back the effervescent thrill?
How, when the hurt nearly stops flowing blood?
How can you end the tearful growing flood?


In the window’s reflection, I caught a smile upon my face.
Not only lips turned up, I did catch a view of lace.
Delicate and white, it graced my shoulder’s form.
Laughing eyes and lace exposed as lightning struck in storm.


Laughter and lace, along with the tears,
built a lovely strength not felt for years.
Hold grins, visions and bits of lace,
~ the beauty of each will replace the tearful flood.
~ the nature of each will return the flow of blood.

As It Should Be

May 29, 2014


I saw the fear
in the mirror eyes
reflecting back to me.
Just move,
do not think.
Release thoughts that bind
and freeze your arms and legs
curled on soft pillows
but oh so hard.
In an icy prison
repetition keeps you,
just move.
A thaw will ensue
loosening the sinews,
freeing the synapses.
Warm gauze will cover wounded feet,
will slow the freeze
of mind cells.
Cyclical warmth
builds on each move
correcting caustic mind patterns.
Feet travel fresh.
Tar’s heat is as the bite of a bitter apple.
Splintered wood annoys the skin.
The cool of tile awakens sleep feet
and tendons no longer stiff with cold now enjoy the softness of once hard pillows.
Just move.
Do not think.

To Duplicate

March 31, 2014



She had bloomed.

Her presence startled me.

The first camellia of early spring,

through the day storm

it was there

deep with color saturated.

Petals rain drenched,

blue above was gray

with clouds heavy full with water

again to fall.

Wind blew vibrant fuchsia petals,

and the fresh green around her.

In the stress, she showed a delicate strength,

a sturdy intent to hold fast unveiled.

I will myself to duplicate.




The hill I did climb,

rounding my heavily ivied home.

The blossom gave ample surprise and quick pause.

It graced my eyes,

stared back at me assuring light

and heat in coming days.

A visual delicacy she is for all,

for those that view only a glimpse

as wind hides her once again

amongst leaves.

She conveys relief as she stirs the heart with promise.

Her painted color imparts warm hope

as she holds fast, patient in her wait

for dry sunlit mornings.

I will myself to duplicate.


Tears, Embracing All Moments

January 23, 2010

Our Gregorian calendar nearly demands us to start over each year, new beginnings, and fresh attitudes. This is all well and good in some respects, but it seems to beg a negation of our past. The past is what made each of us uniquely our own person. Those events and actions formed our personalities and bred our strengths. The negative moments are as important and intriguing as the perceived good, happy instances we experience.

This led me to think about one way in which we handle the distressing times. Anger. Tears. Aside from the biological reasons that we react with tears, a mechanism of the nervous system, crying is associated with loss and mistakes, fear as well. Yet tears are a release, a release of powerful emotion that reveal to oneself and witnesses that one feels. Tear streamed cheeks are an affirmation that one is truly alive.

A blessed life is not a continuum of beautiful moments, unless one can accept that sadness can be a beautiful expression of life as well. A blessed life is a life that has been experienced in all of its extremes. Extreme bliss, passion, despair, love, intensity of all emotions. Those experiences perceived as bleak, as well as those optimistic, make for a life passionately lived. I would like to clarify something. In no way am I suggesting that someone can turn negative occurences into small instances of beneficial ones during the real event. The despair needs to be felt. Momentous occurences leave us, the receivers, in shock for a time, as a protective numbing to what has happened or is happening. As time heals, we are more capable of rationalizing a distressing period and finding the beauty of living in all of its forms. Revealed is the good that is shown by others, revealed are the lessons learned. Revealed is our strength to pull through. Many tears may fall on the path of reconciling our own or another’s pain. During such a sad and overwhelming time period, we eventually find that we have never felt such a part of life and the world around us.

We cry for varied reasons, but is doing so selfish at all, in regards to someone else? I have often wondered about the answer to this question. In a very basic way I believe the answer is yes. When we shed tears for another’s pain, whether it be heartbreak, illness, others’ trials and tests, yes it is somewhat selfish. My tears are the result of my hurt in witnessing the sadness of another person, in a small way. I want to believe my tears are fully genuine to another’s hardship, but they are also a release of my distress.

The thought then occurs, when giving to another, is that action completely without selfishness? We have all come to know that this is not completely the case. Very few are acting with pure altruism. For most of us mere mortals, we get something back. This knowledge cannot be swept under a rug. In fact, the thought of receiving ourselves motivates us more to help those in need. Positive feedback in the form of a gracious smiling grandmother that receives some of our used clothing makes us in return feel good. A child’s hug when food is brought brings us joy for the child but also for our act. This helps keep the cycle of giving alive. There is a selfish satisfaction in doing something good, whether that be helping a friend when her car has broken down, rescuing a homeless animal, or bringing food to a family during the holidays.

Do we feel any guilt, any disappointment that we cannot be completely selfless? Of course the majority of our thoughts are those of compassion and empathy. Of the small percentage that helps our own minds and emotions, is that a flaw? No…it is survival for our human race. We see a need, respond with compassion, feel satisfaction in doing such. We will then act more to help others. If we are here for a purpose given us by a higher intelligence, I would tend to think that nothing could be as virtuous as giving without one miniscule thought to ourselves. That seems to be a place that is difficult to reach if we are truly honest with ourselves.

Selfishness is a part of animal nature. Rationalization of that quality finds it a necessary survival skill, not just for our own person but for all people. It does indeed work with compassion, empathy to help those in need, in the smallest of amounts.

Be they fully empathetic or no, tears guide us to make changes, selfishly or not help others, and handle the tough parts of our lives. In their most basic form, tears are an expression of ourselves in a moment, a moment of intensity that reveals our humanness in one of its most raw forms, and, as well move us forward in life.

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