Mary Jane's Shoes

Mary Jane's Shoes

Musings of one person among many. Not exceptional in any way, as with all, I have exceptional experiences and varied reactions to those events. Mine is one of many life stories and how I manage and cope with the events which make my life my own, I attempt to put forth by way of my writings.

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Wrongdoing, Pleasure, and Guilt

February 7, 2016

Wrongdoing, Pleasure, and Guilt ~ MJ Goodman

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I get painfully angry, deep breathing, heart racing, fist clenched, face flushed angry. 
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I need to release the anger, or more accurately, expose my hurt and frustration to the perpetrator of the pain. Often I yell. I will slam a door. I will throw my face into faded, worn sheets, scream, and cry. 
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I have now begun an odd ritual that is a release of sorts. Initially it happened without my planning. Since and now, I take my anger and release it in this manner that isn’t good for anything except it brings a creepy sense of satisfaction that I too can do wrong, as I feel I have been wronged. I attempt a feeble crime to balance myself. What I do may not seem like much to many; it may as well seem silly to the same. 
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Here you go. I do not recycle at my moment of anger or frustration. Your laugh is now not unexpected. I laugh as well at my nonsensical release, though not in the midst of the action. To take that tin soup can, the box that held linguini, the foil that held roasted zucchini, and aggressively throw it in the REGULAR garbage is for me a naughty venting. I do get an evil pleasure in acting upon this decision. I am being bad; why does that feel good? Talk amongst yourselves. 
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Following this is guilt. We are avid recyclers. When I break down an empty box formerly full of rice and place it in regular garbage, I am hurting something, our earth. I am wasting resources that did nothing to me. (Another eye roll may ensue. I understand and do the same.) This may seem preposterous to many. I cannot help that this is the reaction to my indiscretion. 
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At any rate, and to be quite frank, I do enjoy the moments of wrongdoing. It is my earthy wild child that isn’t always good. Rigid and straight laced is not always the best road to travel, at least for my mental state. And, I know I could do much worse. 
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Regardless of my vent, please reduce, reuse, recycle. 
~ Mary Jane Goodman-Giddens

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